every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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