he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
