Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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