There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
