Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You pole danced in your parka.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
