then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
