I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
