it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
