If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
