His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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