To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
