I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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