So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
