will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
