Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize