Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
