Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
