I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
