he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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