I didn't shave. On purpose
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
