I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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