A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
