Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
