why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
