I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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