my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it was like having sex with a tree stump
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
