Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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