Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
