On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
