my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize