oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
