If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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