Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
