dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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