11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
