he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You've changed since you got that strap on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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