I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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