Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
