honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
