We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
