dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
