I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
