I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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