She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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