I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
