After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
