is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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