New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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