so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
