I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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