When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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