You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
