:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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