if i can run in heels then i can drive
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
