apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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