Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize