im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
