Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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