So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
