Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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