i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
