i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize