She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
