drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
