You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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