I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
