Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The air was thick with penises
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize