Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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