I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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