you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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