dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
