I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
