You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
