It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
