No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
