I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Success! We fucked roommates!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
