dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
